I met a wolf once…
Submerged physically in ceremony, yet mind and body hyper aware, she introduced herself to me. We exchanged names, but for the time being that will stay precious between the two of us. As she approached it was immediate. I knew, as if this creature that stood before me were my own flesh, that we’d met before, that we were well acquainted even. Pack mates, soulmates, sisters, family. In fact, it felt as if she were a very part of me. A piece I had long forgotten, moved past, left behind. Yet there she stood, in the most amazing power. It was a moment of fascinating comfort, I couldn’t take my eyes off her, the sense of awe was almost crackling in the air. There wasn't a moment of thought, the ever moving cogs in my brain didn’t even start to whir… instead, it was a profound understanding that she was simply there, always had been, just on the outskirts, in my periphery. Whomever decided it was time for us to reconnect was right, I had missed her and meeting again was everything.
In my mind there is a distinct and marked, ‘before’ and ‘after’ in my life now. As if the world seemed almost flat and the colors muted. Remember those cardboard kaleidoscope toys we used to have as kids?… all those shapes and colors and the more you twisted the more intense the image would become… it was in that moment that the twisting stopped and a magical, intricate and iridescent mosaic in time opened up. We are small, yet purposeful creatures, seemingly constricted by our own brains and circling thoughts. In contrast, this wolf, was anything but confined. In fact, it is through her eyes that I was re-introduced to my innate wild woman self.
Yup. Sounds intense… and it was, all of it. But not the scary kind of intense that jolts you out of your current state of mind in a fractured, incomplete way. Instead it was this wise, knowing, comforting intense, assuring me that everything is going to be ‘ok’, that although this world might seem overwhelming at times, I am right where I’m supposed to be… and if you too are seeking, from a place of truth and honesty, you will find, or more like reconnect, with what your soul already knows.
What I learned during that encounter sticks with me, to my insides, all the way to today. It was a time in my life when I needed, badly, to ‘let go’ and receive what my soul was ready to hear, prepared to process, eager to incorporate into my life moving forward. And universe is so damn wise… When you stop pushing and pulling and just open, you can hear her speaking… right to you. And for me that came in the four-footed form. She showed me exactly what I needed to feel, what I already knew…
Women are inherently strong, powerful, expansive beings. We have a vast capacity to weather storms, experience joy, handle the deepest of heartache and love with no bounds. We have deep connections to one another and with the earth. It is when we forget, when we disconnect from our tribe that we feel weak, alone, small and powerless. Whenever we sense we might break, when our minds say ‘this is all too much’, we must reach out to our pack. They will be there for us… offering and sharing their unlimited energy, compassion and strength. This is how we women tap into that true limitless source of friendship and support. By asking… by finding each other again and reaching out.
Us wild women are always seeking, always sniffing the wind for data, trying to follow our instincts and use our cunning. It is a beautiful thing to be raw and real in this life. Willing to put yourself out there in the act of discovery. This is how we expand, heal, stretch our courage, reacquaint with our bravery and deepen our wisdom. We wild women are all made of the same gritty sinew, the same fearless blood and guts, the same tenacious soul parts. We are all sisters united by the same star dust.
That is what she wanted me to know… that I am never alone. Seasons come and go, moon cycles may pull and bend my energy, but I already have everything I need, right now in this moment. So never doubt, yes question, but never doubt if you are enough. Because we so so are, and much more.
I feel her sometimes, she likes to curl up beside me, calm and confident and courageous. And every time, without fail, I am reminded, more like infused, with her wild spirit, her lone stillness tethered to her deep connection to her surroundings and her tribe. It is then, almost reacting to her very breath, that I am reminded that I too possess those attributes, I too can count on my guts to lead me toward my path. What I know now that I didn’t before is that our spirits are forever, happily intertwined. We are both adventurous souls, graceful creatures, with beauty that carries our shared sense of history and self.
I feel her in my pulse
I feel her in my feet
I feel her in my instinct
She is there when I dance
She is there when I cry
She is there when I connect
She is my intuition.
So… I met a wolf once… and now I know my truth.